Chemical Warfare

Last Saturday, September 21st, was the International Day of Peace.  With that said, today’s blog is about two women who hate each other so much, they pass gas whenever they are near each other.  Yes, this story is about farts.  Not just any kind of farts, but farts in the workplace.

This is a real story.  It really happened.  If you stay with it to the end, I promise there is a point, a good point, the kind of point we should all ponder.

A Washington State Ferry docked in Seattle

Seattle, Spring 2001

Walking off the ferry I started to chat with another commuter who walked the same route I did to the bus stop.  I learned that she worked downtown, was new to the country, working on a visa, and that she enjoyed Seattle and riding the ferry to work.  I will call her Jan.

On another day, one sleepy morning, while staring out the ferry window, a nice conversation was started between myself and a gentle-looking-soul of a woman.  We enjoyed each others company enough to continue the conversation while walking off the ferry, up the three blocks to Pioneer Square where we split off, each to our own workplace.  I will call her Mary.

One day while walking with Jan, I noticed Mary walking with others on the opposite side of the street.
“Jan, do you know Mary?”
silence…
“Do you know her?  I think she lives in Silverdale.”
“Yes, I know Mary.  We work in the same office.  I hate her.  You should stay away from her.”
“Wha… why?  Really?  She seems nice to me.”
“That is because you do not have to work with her five days a week like I do.  I hate her so much, I fart whenever she comes by desk, so that she’ll leave quickly.”

A week later, Mary and I were walking to the bus.  Mary interrupted me to point at Jan, who was walking by herself into town.
“Shannon, see that lady there, in the light blue coat?  Stay away from that bitch.  Whatever you do, do not talk to her.  She’s poison.  AND she stinks like shit.  Like she never showers!”
“Well, maybe she has a condition or…”
“NO.  I’m telling you she always stinks, and it’s on purpose.  She is so nasty, I’ve decided to fart at her whenever she’s near.”
“WHY?”
“Because she needs to know how stinky she is. How dare she come to work like that, stinking the place up!”

Pioneer Square, Seattle Washington 1st Ave and Yesler Way

Wow.  Somehow I had become Ferry Friends with two ladies who were at war with each other.  Neither of them knew that I liked the other, and so for a good month I listened to each of them tell me their side of an argument.  An argument started for an unknown reason, and the purpose of the gas attacks unclear.  Why leave a good paying job because of it’s methane levels?  The only thing I knew for sure was that these two ladies hated each other SO bad, they were willing to go to disgusting lengths to insult each other!

I stopped riding the ferry in 2002.  As far as I know the ladies are still gassing it up.

…oh, and I lied.  This story has no point.  That’s the point.